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 | | Subject: SuBo fanatics to vet supermarket shoppers! Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:11 am | |
| SuBo fanatics to vet supermarket shoppers!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they are to vet shoppers entering SuBo’s local supermarket. The move follows similar vetting of fans wishing to meet her at the recent ‘Meet & Greet’ in New York.
The vetting will be carried out at the entrance to the supermarket by a team of loonies working for RanGrtiz Security Solutions, Inc., the private company operating the vetting.
“We simply cannot take the risk of having ordinary people talking to Susan while shopping. We must insist that all people entering the supermarket while Susan is inside shopping be vetted by us, her true fans,” rambled head of security for RSSI.
The vetting procedure will include a series of religious questions.
“We must insist that anyone who is likely to bump into Susan in the supermarket be deeply religious. We will, therefore, be asking a number of questions to make sure they have read the Bible,” confirmed Ms. Happy-Clappy, head of religion at RSSI.
Those who pass the vetting procedure will be handed a booklet entitled “What you may ask Lady Susan”, which contains a list of pre-approved questions that shoppers may ask SuBo if they bump into her.
“We cannot have people asking her things that we don’t approve of. They may try and be funny with her, and we simply cannot tolerate humour,” grumbled some sour-faced old bat wearing a red scarf.
“What the bloody hell is all this crap about?” said a shopper. “I was just walking into the supermarket and suddenly got grabbed by some crazy Texan woman wrapped in an ugly quilt,” he continued.
“I only wanted a box of cornflakes, and the next thing I know they have me sat on some ugly cushion answering questions. I failed the test, but they said I could appeal if I wanted to, but their lawyer said they still can’t let me in because of their bylaws or something. Bugger this, I’m off somewhere else!” he said.
A spokesperson for the supermarket was unavailable for comment, having been overcome by bullshit fumes.
This is a spoof, but it wouldn't surprise me if they did something as crazy as this!  |
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